Dear Whoopi,

Have you ever wondered if plants can read? No? Me either.

Anyways, I was watching Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit yesterday and I heard an ambulance outside. In a moment of clarity catalyzed by the delightful nature of Bill Duke's directing, I decided what I want to be when I grow up.

I want to be an Ambulance Chaser. Now, I know what you must be thinking; why would anyone in their right mind want to be a scum-bag lawyer? But that's not it at all. I want to follows ambulances around and helps them out whenever they need it. Not in any official capacity, for I am sure some kind of certification is necessary to do that. I just want to be the guy that holds the IV bags up and entertains the people with my magic tricks. You know, change the occasional flat tire or bloody bandage now and then.

The only problem I am having now is what kind of outfit should I wear. Obviously, if I am to keep up with a moving vehicle, agility has to be the main concern. So capes and mermaid legs are probably not such a good idea, but should I have my own siren? What kinds of colors should I use? I have to make sure it doesn't make me look like a Super Hero, because that would be awkward and they have too much on their plates already without me getting in their way.

I think I can still accessorize though. Right now I'm thinking about making the uniform entirely of that super reflective orange stuff. The stuff old guys wear while jogging at night and the crossing guards make their vests out of.

I'll try to send you the mock up sketches when I get a chance.

Yours Truly,
Nathan